Episode #61: MP - Challenging Behaviors Deconstructed

 Episode #61: MP - Challenging Behaviors Deconstructed

In this podcast, I share with you what to do when your child has challenging behaviors so that everyone on your team is consistent, your child learns positive behaviors, and you have more peaceful days together.

Hello Synergy Autism Podcast listeners. My. apologies for not posting a podcast in a couple-few weeks. My book came out, I have family in town, and I'm enjoying the last days of summer weather.  A special thank you to my son who does the music for my podcast, by the way. 

I think you will find today's podcast helpful if it is new to you and as a refresher if it is not new. Today, I am going to talk to you about what to do when. your child has challenging behaviors. These might be meltdowns, shutdowns, refusals, dropping to the floor, hitting, kicking, biting, destroying property, or some combination of these.

I've had a few children's parents already report these behaviors happening at school so I'll cover that too. School started for many, recently, here in the US.

So here goes... first and foremost, when a child has challenging behaviors, I need you to know that your child is challenged by something and is indicating distress. Your job is to figure out the source of that distress so that you can accurately and adequately support your child to not feel so challenged.

If your child is in school, ask the school team for what is called a Functional Behavior Assessment. If your child is homeschooled or in a private school, you can lead one with your team or ask someone you trust to lead one. This assessment is typically completed by a team and includes observations, interviews, and a record review to determine the function the behavior serves for your child. You will more than likely need to request his and often will also need to sign consent. Without it, behaviors are managed by the many people in your child's life who may be making assumptions about the reasons your child is struggling. Some may assume your child is simply being ornery, while others may overcompensate, coddle, and attempt to avoid behavior ever happening by under-challenging your child - potentially leading to a different set of behaviors out of boredom. By having your child's team, including you determine the reasons for the challenging behaviors, you and /or your team can then develop. what is called a positive behavior support plan for everyone to follow and ensure consistency. 

The facts of the matter are:

• Behaviors will increase if everyone is handling them differently
• Behaviors will often increase but then drop significantly if everyone is consistent.
• And if you have the why or the reason for the behavior wrong,  you may see the behavior reduce but another one pop up to replace the function of the 1st behavior.

Now I want to help you feel less intimidated by this process. It really comes down to 

1. Being very concrete about the behaviors you wish to decrease
2. Getting really good at observing your own child
3. Teaching replacement behaviors
4. Get everyone consistent

So let's tackle each of those one at a time. 

1.    Be very concrete about the behaviors you wish to decrease. If your child is hhaving what you perceive as a tantru, thhat is not being concerete enough. List theh exact behaviors your child displays. What specific behaviors is your child doing that are getting int heh way. fro them and you? Common ones are:

• Saying "no" 
• Dropping to the floor
• Hitting self or othhers
• Kicking
• Spitting
• Yelling 
• Swearing
• Grabbing
• Pinching
• Eloping
• Feces smearing
• Biting

These are all concrete and observable. Write the ones your child exhibits down. Now, let's go to #2.

2.    Get really good at observing your own child. I hear it all the time: "my child's behaviors come out of no where. They explode for seemingly no reason." I'm. not one to say "never" so I'll just say no one has convinced me yet that behaviors dimply come out of no where. A person may be on such hyper-alert or hiding their stress level that when they finally can't hide or mask anymore, they. explode but that is certainly not out of no where. Most often, if you can alleviate the stress the person/child is enduring, you can alleviate challenging behaviors. So getting really good at observing your child may be to observe the lead up to behaviors carefully... observe what they turn away from, refuse, or simply bristle at. Observe when they go silent if they are commonly making sounds or talking. Watch their eyes and what they are "keeping an eye on" in case it changes, or otherwise may. cause stress. Take some notes as when the build up happens, length of time before the worst of the challenging behaviors and what seem to alleviate your child's stress.

3.    Teach replacement behaviors. This is the beginning of ensuring a positive behavior plan for everyone to follow. You have concretely identified the challenging behaviors, observed what seems to lead up to the behavior occurring, now you need to decide what you'd prefer for your child to do in that moment instead. So if your child hits every time they are not wanting something to happen, you may decide that saying "no" would be a nice replacement behavior. Or if they hit to get processing time, you may decide the replacement behavior is sitting quietly being allowed or given processing time versus being rushed by those who support them.

I'll tell you a quick replacement behavior for feces smearing during diaper changes that worked really well. We decided this child was getting into his diaper for the sensory experience. so we literally replaced the substance from his choice of what was available: feces to our. giving. him a. jar of coconut oil - same consistency and who cares if it gets everywhere!? It worked like a charm - thank goodness.

4.    Get everyone consistent. This requires that you have your plan in writing so everyone can ask questions, problem solve, make revisions necessary, and then get down to business. Write down how to reduce stress overall for your child. This may include ways you know your child learns best. Write down exactly how you'd like everyone to respond to y our child's escalation or lead up to the challenging behaviors. Write down what you want all to do in the middle of the tough behaviors (you may remember from other podcasts that this is usually just ensuring safety and going silent as NO teaching can happen in the middle of a behavior storm). 

And finally, the most important piece of all, spell out HOW you'd. like to teach replacement behaviors. This is the real work, the practice that happens NOT in the moments of stress but in day to day life... if you are wanting your child to say "no" versus hitting,  for example,  sprinkle in. practice all day for them to say "no" when the stakes aren't so high. If you want them to gain sensory input to regulate their body during learning moments, practice their getting their ya-yas out prior to daily activities like mealtimes, bath time, or reading together.

Now I hope that I have deconstructed what may have been scary - to address challenging behaviors. My hope for you is that you now understand and feel empowered. I'll be honest, I rarely get it exactly right and neither will you - so continue to assess the function or the why, remember that if you are challenged by a behavior, your child is experiencing a challenge that is distressing to them.  You are there to help them learn and practice new ways to reduce said stress -  not dole out consequences which many of us fall into and simply do not work long term.

I wish you all better days ahead full. of connection, understanding, and peace. 

Till next time.