Episode #44: MP - Find Your Playful Side


I have a lot of parents who come to me uncertain as to how to really get into the mindset to play. We are all in our busy lives full of to do lists and schedules. It is hard to get in the moment and relax enough to play and sometimes even when we try, we are left not sure what to do! 

I created this podcast for those of you who are wanting to learn how to find your playfulness that works to support your child with autism to play with you. 

Here are the steps to take to find and embellish your playful side: 

1. Relax your body near where your child is sitting or in the path of where your child is running or moving safely. Plant yourself for your own groundedness as well as for your child to know where you are as they play – get predictable to start. 

2. Observe your child’s movements, what they are learning or exploring. 
  • Is it the way something shimmers in the light? 
  • Is it the way things fit together? 
  • Or is something reminding them of a movie or show they have watched? 
3. Stay quiet. Words are not only unnecessary; they can get in the way. 

4. Count to at least 60 silently while in the above state. Observe and allow your presence to simply be known. 

5. Slowly make yourself mildly unexpected. 
  • if you are typically very quiet, you might start making soft beeping sounds. 
  • If you are typically very talkative, go silent. 
  • If you are typically very fast in your movements, go really slowly like you are swimming in water. 
Think tiny changes first that elicit a gaze or a notice not a startle or defensive response from the child. Let them be curious about you and your actions. 

Let the toys fade to the background while their curiosity to you is peaked. 

If you sense ANY scared, worried, or overwhelmed responses (hunched shoulders, fearful looks, moving away) – stop and go back to being predictable and stationary. 

6. Respectfully touch or put your hand out to use similar materials. 
  • If you are playing with baby dolls, silently (no words) put a blanket on a doll. 
  • If you are playing with Lego, slide one the child’s way. 
If they don’t use the piece you slide to them or they take the blanket off the doll, don’t fret. They are still responding to your actions. Even negating your actions can be play. 

Your goal is to engage in shared or contingent play. You do something, they do something in response and so on. Keep offering playful bids for the child to respond to in small, manageable ways that are either acceptance or negation. 

7. Keep observing the child’s response and curiosity about YOU. 

You are trying to make the toys less of the focal point. You are wanting to find ways to playfully share the limelight with the toys through your subtle, unexpected yet non-threatening actions. 

Examples
Here are some of my favorite, easy unexpected actions you might consider next time you sit down to play with a child you know with autism: 
  • Pretend to fall asleep 
  • Pretend to fall over 
  • Put a toy on your head and pretend you can’t find it then sneeze it off so it falls in your lap 
  • Make subtle sounds with your movements like buzzing or plopping when moving and placing items
  • Silently exaggerate your surprise or disappointed facial expressions 
  • Feign having trouble putting something together that you know your child can do 
  • Place a toy near your child that you relocate every few minutes to be in a different spot – slow your movements each time you reach for the toy before moving it so the spotlight is on your actions not where you place the toy 
As you and your child are comfortable in play together at this level, the world can open up. You can become increasingly unpredictable in your play offers and they will be more readily accepted. 

Don't just follow their lead yet don't just make them follow yours either
Go for a balance of idea sharing for the play – if you are using imaginary play or construction, don’t just blindly go with your child’s expectations of your following his story or plan. 

Make small changes to your character, your voice, your sounds. 

If you sense frustration or your child seems stuck, fall back into being a predictable partner and then attempt to make smaller changes again in a few minutes when the play has resumed. 

 I hope that you got a few ideas for bringing out your silly side in play with a wonderful child you know and love. 

For more tips and ideas, please keep an eye out for my book coming out Summer of 2021 entitled Seeing Autism: Connections through Understanding. 

Till next time…

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